Raising Daughters: “Girly Things”

Yesterday, as soon as Bella got off the bus and started trudging across the road, I knew from the look on her face that something was wrong. Not seriously wrong but “oh hell, begin the whining in three, two, one…” wrong. “Mommy,” she pleaded as if she’d already asked her question, “can you puh-lease get me a new backpack? Everyone makes fun of it.” “Who’s everyone?” “Jasmin*.” “Just her?” “Yes.” “What does she say?” “That it’s for boys.” “And now you need a new one? Because of that?” – she nods emphatically- “No, you can’t get another bookbag, not …

A Letter To Men

There is almost nothing more important to us than our music. If you walk into our home, get into our car, shuffle through our iPod, please refrain from turning your nose up at what you hear. Nasty comments about Justin Timberlake will have a similar effect to you pinching the fat of our upper arms and commenting on the flabbiness. Plus, we don’t judge you for your Akon collection (openly). We’re always listening, even if you don’t believe we are. We hear what you say in our sleep, from across the house, when we’re sitting in the car and you’re two …

Things I’ve been considering.*

With Sandra Bullock adopting Louis, the age old “white people shouldn’t be able to adopt black children” debate has popped back up. Why it’s even a debate, I don’t know. It’s such bullshit. It’s complained about, and used as an example of the underlying racism in our society that black children in the foster care system are the bottom of the barrel when it comes to adopting. But let a white person adopt one of those bottom of the barrel-bottom black kids and people are all in a tizzy over how that black child isn’t going to learn how …

Ebonics, and other things.

Yesterday, I started to comment on my friend Cecily’s post but it ended up being a post in and of itself, so I figured it’d be best to make a post of it here.* She wrote about conversations she had with ladies in her neighborhood, where they planned to school their children, and how the fact that most of the children at the school were African American tied into their decisions. One woman she talked to didn’t want her child to go to their local elementary because she didn’t want him to learn ‘Ebonics’. Immediately after reading, I didn’t …

Hitting Women.

I don’t remember how old I was the first time I witnessed domestic violence. I was very young, maybe around six. My younger brother had just been born and we were in California visiting family and seeing the baby for the first time. My grandmother and grandfather went on a second honeymoon of sorts and I was stayed with my aunt and uncle. I hated it. My uncle was very controlling and ran his house like a military base, with the only civilian being himself. He snapped his fingers at his wife when he wanted his glass filled, and …

My tendency to become overly invested…

in television shows has become a problem. I mean, not really – it’s a beautiful thing – but it drives me mad. Last week, Criminal Minds almost gave me a heart attack, and I was soaked in my own tears by the end of the episode. That’s not uncommon for me when it comes to that show, but this week was especially hard. I was actually really sad for the rest of the night, like something bad had actually happened. It was weird. In a few days Monk will end, for good. I have had to wipe my eyes …

Fat Acceptance.

Although I have not and will never do the same, I don’t have a problem with people who have accepted their larger shapes and have decided not to beat themselves up over it. More power to you, but I don’t believe in the Fat Acceptance movement. I don’t believe that we should let our children believe that it’s fine to be overweight or obese. The obesity rate in children here in the states is ridiculously high. They learn that at home. It’s not okay – we are jeopardizing the lives of those we swear to love the most with …

Eating my thoughts.

A few weeks ago at the park, the girls were playing on their favorite jungle gym when a host of other little children arrived and started to play too. Ari had been going down the slide, over and over, taking her time and enjoying herself immensely. As she made to sit down and position herself to go down the slide again, one of the new little children, a little girl around 4 or 5 ran up, leaned down and put on the ugliest face she could to intimidate Ari. “Get out of the way.” she sneered. Ari looked at …

The Shocker. Yes, *that* Shocker.

Men are interesting creatures. Most of them that I have met are especially intrigued by anal play, but never seem to want to admit it. It starts off as a joke, or as a ‘oh i dunno’ type of conversation while you’re discussing sexual fantasies/experiences/preferences, but rarely do they just come right out and say ‘I’d like to stick my whatever in your ass, if you’ll let me.’ I don’t get it. It’s like they really believe that girls don’t poop, and thus, we don’t have assholes, and thus, we don’t do anal or it’s like a really taboo …

Not everyone will like you.

It started with the Yo Gabba Gabba! song “Be Nice to Everyone“. “Is that true, mommy?” asked The Bella, “If you’re nice to everyone, they’ll be nice to you too?” “No.” I answered succinctly. “So they’re telling a story?” “Not really, I mean you should always be nice to people but just because you are doesn’t mean some people won’t be assholes anyway.” “Well, I will be nice.” “Good. And those that aren’t nice back, fuck ‘em, it’s their problem.” “Ok!” *** The Bella starts Kindergarten in 3 weeks (OHMYGOD!) and for the first time really, she’ll come face …