Dear ‘Concerned’

Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to contact me.

I appreciate that you took time away from your ivory tower to write me, detailing your concerns for the welfare of my children, my current mental state and the number of shoes in my closet.

I am sorry it has taken me so long to reply, but as you point out, instead of curing my sons Autism I have been wasting my time playing on the internet and wandering around in fabulous shoes.

While we are on the subject of my son, I feel I need to clear up a little misconception.  You say I am ‘ridiculing’ and ‘making light of his disabilites’ and as you so carefully and articulately explained ’should have your children taked away for abuse’.  Somehow, I think my kids are getting quite enough abuse here at home, but if you have somewhere in mind that I can send them to get some more abuse, I am sure they could do with hardening the fuck up.

As for the ‘ridiculing’, the kid brings it on himself.  He is so fucking funny it HURTS.  I mean come on, when the kid is running around the house exclaiming ‘Rabbi!’ or ‘Dog semen’ or muttering in Hebrew, dammit that shit is FUNNY!

As is when he escaped the house while I was having a pee and I found him in the driveway of the neighbours making dirt angels wearing nothing but a tshirt and a smile.  How can you not laugh?  Not mocking.  Not degrading.  Not a reason to threaten to call social services.  (But if you do, can you give me a little heads up?  Just want to make sure that I wear the right shoes.)

I mean everyone has to pee don’t they?  And although I am rather spectacular at everything, for some reason I don’t like to be cheered on in the bathroom.

Oh and I LOVE that you have taken the time to go back through my archives and pinpoint every single fucking post where you have perceived that I have ‘demeaned’ and ‘degrated’ my son.  That takes a special kind of crazy caring.

Dearest mouth breather reader,  your concern for my mental health is noted.  But I have got this far in life and I am so fucking awesome, I feel that medication may slow me down a bit.  I mean you don’t get this ‘arrogant’ and ‘self serving‘ and ’stupid’ when all your neurons are firing correctly.

Suggesting medication? That shit costs money, meaning less shoes for me.

And as you know, it is all about me.  Even if I am ‘as ugly on the inside as the outside‘.

So how about we do each other a favour?  You can go on with your sad little lonely life and I will go on being fucking awesomely fabulous and go spend the grocery money on some more shoes.

Sounds like a workable plan to me.