Happy Valentines Day <3

Or not. Meh. I am usually so meh about this ‘holiday’. MPS, not known for his romantic skillz, usually forgets. Even when he was reading the freaking ads and doing outside broadcasts at flower shops. ‘Sorry honey, I forgot’ Yeah, whatever. So this morning I needed heart massage was pleasantly surprised when MPS presented me with a latte in bed. Complete with heart design. Good thing I was in bed. Cause the fall would have hurt. Then as he was walking out the door he called out: ‘I bought you a gift! It is on the kitchen bench. I …

Give up your seat on the bus for the old lady.

It’s official. I am old. I am an old person. Need to start shopping in the old ladies underwear section. Big, brown, neck to knee babies. *     The other day I paid for the pain of a zygote ripping the hair out of my eyebrows. I inquired whether I need to have my lady mo done. She LIFTED UP MY FUCKING CHEEK and said no. Oh the humiliation. Now I just walk around with a strong fan blowing directly on my face like a dog out the passenger side window….. *     I made that ‘ooff’ sound while …

How To Be The Meanest Mom EVER

Eirinn has this thing she wants to do. This thing will require me driving her places and taking time out of my evening and Avery will be jealous. It’s a privilege, is what it is, and in order to deserve these privileges, kids should behave in a certain way. Listen to their parents, be nice to their siblings, tidy their messes. NOT melt into a pile of raging jellyfish at the mere suggestion she pick up the Barbie carpet that they worked two days on laying in the playroom. NOT morph into a 15-year old ‘tude monster when I …

Why I Will Never Be A Fancy Lady

1. My eyebrows are unkempt. Fortunately, they don’t meet in the middle or naturally run ragged all over the northern hemisphere of my face. But my eyebrow maintenance routine consists of me smoothing them with my fingers so that all the hairs are laying in the same direction. 2. Finger nails – I don’t get it. I cut them so that I don’t accidentally slice a bitch, but other than that, I don’t get it. I’ve had two manicures in my whole entire life and the experience was mediocre and left me acutely aware of my giant manhands. I …

Fear.

No, not that movie with Mark Wahlberg playing the incredibly hot psycho opposite Reese Witherspoon and Gil Grissom. Shit, remember that roller coaster scene? OH MY GOD it set my little adolescent hormones all a flutter when I first watched it. Yeah, this is not about that. One day, I’m going to die. Maybe it’ll be a car accident, or a stray bullet, or a aneurysm, or maybe I’ll just get old and fade away. That’s fine, I guess. I’ve never been one to fear much of anything, not even death. It’s never even made me intensely uncomfortable in the …

Rented: A Letter To Her

This is a rented post from Ashley, who asked to use my blog to do some much needed venting. This is stupid. Never have I ever had my blood boil so much by one, stupid, fucking person. If I could write this on my own blog, I would, but you stalked my blog. Visiting 4 to 5 times a day, I guess looking for any reference to me and him. I think fighting over guys is one of the stupidest things a woman could do, but for you to have the fucking audacity to come to me and ask …

Let sleeping dogs lie*

I wasn’t raised by my mother. She turned legal guardianship of me over to my grandparents when I was two years old, and they had been raising me long before that. For all of my childhood and most of my adolescence she lived thousands of miles from me and I called her by her first name. She never called to speak to me, she rarely visited, and gifts were few and far in between. She wrote me a letter once, when I was eleven, after my grandmother had told her I’d been getting in trouble at school. I read …

Nowhere Fast.

I’m the most indecisive person I know. I used to consider it a blaring sign of immaturity but as time goes on and as I grow older I realize that it’s probably just who I am as a person and has little to do with maturity. I hate it and I’m continuously frustrating myself (and others). It affects relationships, jobs, parenting and just life in general. I talked a little bit about it here (see #2). María = walking contradiction. I think my best friend is really the only person that totally gets it. She supports me in all …

Hoping this doesn’t turn into “Young v. Board of Education”

Last night, as Bella played in her own little imaginary world with her sister at the foot of my bed, I overheard her singing God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food. “Where did you learn that?” I asked her. “At school,” she replied nonchalantly, “we do it every day before we go to lunch.” A couple of questions later and I’m informed – with only one week of this school year left – that her teachers have lead her class in that prayer every single day since the very beginning. I was floored …

Single and ready to mingle.

Not really. I mean yes, I’m single now, but not so ready to mingle. I just have always thought that saying was amusing. When else do you get to use the word ‘mingle’ or any of its variations? Never, that’s when. So I use it when I can. I love this boy, absolutely. He has my heart. As much of it as I am able to relinquish at least. He is sweet and funny and cute and passionate and loyal and giving and amazing and this and that. So much so that this relationship is so uneventful and easy …